World Cup 2014 – Ridiculous Demands

So now that the 2014 World Cup is in full swing in Brazil, let’s have a sneak peak at these prima donna soccer teams and some of their hotel requests.  The Brazilian tabloid newspaper Lance has apparently obtained an “interesting” list of requests, made by each country’s soccer team.  What have some of these countries requested?  Read below…

 

Chile request: Purchase new beds and flat screen TVs in every room.

Why? 

Because it’s not enough to watch them get their butts kicked LIVE and IN PERSON.  They would also like to watch it on the big screen and in high definition…while lying on a comfy bed.

 

Ecuador request: Basket of bananas from Ecuador in every room.

Why?  For Monkey Business of course. 

When I think of the country Ecuador, which is a country I think about several times a day (don’t we all?), the first thought that comes to my mind is Bananas!  Not the kind you eat of course.  That whole country is just…well…bananas!

 

France request:  Kosher meat as many of their players are Muslims.

Why?  Because they’re stupid! 

Kosher is for Jewish people.  I believe they should have asked for Halal.

Or maybe I’m the stupid one because surely France should have asked for some deodorant.

 

Japan request – A jacuzzi in every room.

Why?  Because they need to unwind in the hot tub after getting their butts kicked up and down the soccer field.  Look Japan shouldn’t even be in the World Cup. 

Me (SG), along with Who Posted This?, and 9 call center employees from Bangalore can whip this soccer team.

 

Switzerland request – High speed internet and Swiss TV channels.

Why?  For downloading of course!  They want to download some porn real quick off the web.  They also want to watch their stupid TV channels while eating Brazilian food.  Hey Swiss, remember that after eating Brazilian food you will be doing some “downloading” on the toilet.

 

Bosnia request – They want a sound proof screen to be installed so that the coaches can dine on one side and the players can dine in on the other side.

Why?  Because they all hate each other and can’t stand being around one another!

Let’s take a step back. 

What is a Bosnia?  Where is this Bosnia?  Can someone please point this place out on a map for me?  I’ve never heard of this place. 

They don’t have a soccer team.  These are just 11 refugees seeking asylum in Brazil.

 

Portugal – Total of 6 security staff, of which 4 of them to look after Christiano Ronaldo.

Why?  I don’t know.  If Ronaldo walked in front of me right now, I would give him directions to the nearest Taco Bell and tell him that he is late for work.

 

Does Ronaldo really need 4 security guards just for himself?

This overpriced and over-inflated ego machine that they call a soccer team is going to get buried by Germany in game 1.  When was the last time Portugal mattered?  When was the last time that they were relevant at anything?  Lucky for them that they can speak the local language in Brazil…which happens to be Portuguese.  So now they can clearly understand the chants of “YOU SUCK!” (Update: I am about to publish this post.  Just saw Germany trounce Portugal 4 NIL)

 

Many countries who made these requests are not contenders, they’re just pretenders. 

My advice to Brazil is to give them what they want because those pretenders will be long gone by the time the “real soccer action” starts to occur.

 

Lucky for Brazil, that India didn’t make it.

They would have a HUGE list of demands…er I mean requests…that Brazil would never be able to accommodate.  Starting with, 2 idlis and 2 buckets of sambar ready for each player at any time of the day or night.