Saturday, February 27, 2010

“Experienced” Lawyer


Shon Hopwood was an ordinary bank robber. In 1997 he robbed 5 banks in Nebraska and stole almost $200,000. He was caught by the police and sentenced for 13 years in prison.

Shon told the sentencing judge that he would change his lifestyle and pleaded for an easier sentence. The judge did not believe his promise. The judge said: We will know in 13 years if you mean what you say.

He was locked in the federal prison in Perkin, Illinois.

The prison’s law library changed his life. He spent much of the time there. He suddenly realized he was able to understand the laws very quickly and very clearly. He turned himself into a Supreme Court practitioner.

In 2002, Shon prepared his first petition for certiorari. This is a formal request to the Supreme Court to hear a case. He did this on behalf of his friend in jail, John Fellers. John was sentenced on a drug related case. Since Shon was not a lawyer, his name did not appear on the brief. That year, more than 7,200 such requests were received by the U.S. Supreme Court. It agreed to hear only 8 of them. One was Fellers v. United States.

Seth Waxman, a former U.S. Solicitor General, agreed to argue this case in the Supreme Court. He said this certiorari was one of the best he has ever read. He had one condition to Fellers. Shon should be involved in this case and decide how to frame the arguments, decide on strategy, and anticipate questions from the justices.

The Supreme Court unanimously (9-0) decided in favor of John Fellers.

Shon helped several prisoners in many states and got their sentences reduced from lower courts. He was released from prison in 2008. He is now working on many Supreme Court petitions. He recently wrote a petition for a prisoner, who says his Miranda Rights were violated.

What is a “Miranda Right”? In 1966, the U.S. Supreme Court mandated (Miranda vs Arizona) that arresting police officer must tell the criminal suspect his/her fundamental rights at the time of arrest. The police officer should inform the suspect with the following words:

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you”.

If the suspect does not know English, the above statement must be told to him/her in his/her mother tongue.

If the arresting police officer fails to tell the suspect his Miranda Rights, the judge will dismiss the case even if the arrest was made for premeditated murder committed in front 100 witnesses.

Shon is interested to go to law school and get a law degree. A law professor at the University of Michigan, who is working with Shon on various cases, has already secured a seat for him.

I know couple of lawyers (one in Mumbai and another one in Delhi) is looking for a talented assistant.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Don't Visit

Recently I read an article about a guy who was struggling in his mind how to tell a friend not to visit him. He could not come up with a believable excuse.

Since my full time job is to assist people in distress, here are some of the excuses I could think of on his behalf.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of April? I am sorry we have already made reservations and bought plane tickets to visit Peru that week”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of May? I have to go out of town for a wedding that week. I am the Best Man for the groom. I cannot avoid it”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of June? I am scheduled for a surgery for my back problem during that week”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of July? I have a major relicensing/certification exam that week. I must spend all my free time studying for it”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of August? Due to my emotional problems and chemical dependencies, I don’t think I can be a good host”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of September? We are having some serious issues in the town and thus all the new comers to the city are being investigated. So please postpone your trip. I am telling you this secret as I don’t want you to face any problem”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of October? I'd love to have you over. I need an alibi anyway. You can vouch for me right?”

“Oh you are coming during the third week of November? We are having a huge fund raising event that week for world peace. I hope you will be able to contribute generously and also volunteer to work”.

You can go more bizarre with the excuses. If someone wants to visit you in San Francisco, then you can say:

“Oh you are coming during the third week of December? Actually, there is nothing to see in San Francisco. The Golden Gate Bridge has been moved to Nevada for security reasons. The Bay Bridge, which was broken during the 1989 earthquake, is still not repaired. Because of the bad weather, this year’s harvest of grapes is destroyed. Therefore, Napa Valley is closed. The Cable Car employees are on strike. They have actually transferred prisoners from Guantanamo Bay to the Alcatraz Prison. Therefore, tourists are not allowed there. On top of it, severe snow is expected that week”.

If you know of any other excuses, believable like the above, please let me know.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Rachael Ray


Rachael Ray is a famous chef in USA. She has her own TV show called “30 Minute Meals”. For those who have little time to cook, she shows how to cook full meals under 30 minutes from scratch to finish. She has a huge audience. But she never had a formal education or training to become a chef.

Rachael is famous for making up words. One of her invention, EVOO, has been included in the Oxford American College Dictionary. Here are some of her words:

EVOO = Extra Virgin Olive Oil

G.B = Garbage Bowl

DELISH = Delicious

ENTREETIZER = Entrée-sized Appetizer

STOUP = Cross between a Stew and Soup

EVERYBODY NEEDS A LITTLE R AND R. = Every one should watch Rachael Ray Show

Yum-o = Yummy

YUMMILICIOUS = Yummy

YUMMERIFIC = Yummy

SAMMIES = Sandwiches

BBLD Dish = This dish can be prepared for any time of the day – Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch or Dinner

S and P action = Need to add some more Salt and Pepper

SPOONULA = A kitchen tool that can be used as a Spoon and a Spatula at the same time

CHOP AND DROP = Place the cutting board near the stove and you can chop and drop in the pan

SHIMMY SHAKE = Seal the bag and give it a good shimmy shake to coat the chicken.

MOPPIE = Dish towel

GH = Grownup helper

There is a Rachael Ray Drinking Game in USA. When you watch her 30 minute TV show, you must have a drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) in your hand. Each of her famous word has number of sips against it. Whenever she uses any of her famous word during the show, you have to take the number of sips allotted for that word. For example: If she says EVOO, you have to take one sip. If she says Spoonula, you have to take two sips.

In addition, some of her other actions or sentences call for sips. For example, whenever she drops something on the floor, you have to take 3 sips.

If she comes with a new word, you have to gulp and finish the whole drink immediately.

One person who does not like the word “EVOO” wrote the following recently:

“What's going to be next for Rachael Ray? Is she going to start referring to her employer as TVFN (TV Food Network)? We should just tell her to STHU (Shut the heck up!)”.