Thursday, January 16, 2014

Non-Reciprocated Privileges

(This post is a tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor.  This is not a serious post.  Therefore, please do not come out with merits and demerits of the issue.)
 
Due to the Devyani Khobragade incident, the government of India is now in the process of taking away “non-reciprocated privileges” for American diplomats in India.  This includes taking away special airport access for American diplomats.  India is also going after spouses of U.S. diplomats, who are working in American schools, for tax evasion.
 
If India takes retaliatory action, do you really think that the Americans will accept this and remain quiet?  Of course not - they will also retaliate.
 
I know Barack Obama.  Barack Obama is a friend of mine.  He asked me for ideas on how to retaliate against Indians living in the USA.  Here is what we discussed:
 
Indian diplomats in the USA enjoy having 24 hours of electricity.  However, American diplomats in India do not have electricity for 8 hours a day.  Therefore, the American government will now cut off electricity for 8 hours a day in the homes and offices of Indian diplomats living in America.
 
Indian diplomats in the USA enjoy having a water supply that is non-stop.  However, American diplomats in India have water in their taps only every other day.  Therefore, the American government will now turn off the water supply to the homes and offices of Indian diplomats every other day.
 
India does not give H1B visas for Americans to work in India.  Therefore, H1B visas will stop being issued to Indians.  People who are already in the USA on an H1B will be made into US citizens so they will never have to work for an Indian company in the future.
 
Unleash the IRS (Internal Revenue Service) to go after the non-working H1B visa dependents.  These dependents baby-sit, teach music to kids, teach dance lessons, or teach language and they collect money but never pay taxes.  Go after them for income tax evasion.
 
Raid all the gas stations, 7-11 stores, as well as Indian operated restaurants/hotels/motels for undocumented illegal workers and deport them back to the motherland.
 
Hire thousands of people across India to shout pro American slogans and create traffic jams.  All you need to give them is a quarter (bottle of rum), a briyani packet, and Rs.200 per person.
 
Not all American movies are released in India simultaneously.  However, a lot of Indian movies are released simultaneously in the USA.  Restrict the number of Indian movies each month only to the number of American movies released in India.  For example, if 5 American movies are released simultaneously in India in a month, then allow only 5 Indian movies to be released simultaneously in the USA.  Americans will not have a problem with it because all American movies are in English.  Let the Indians fight it out as to which languages the 5 movies will represent.
 
Direct all Indian diplomats in the USA not to shout at their household maids “I want my curry in a hurry”.
 
If you have any other ideas, please let me know and I will forward them to my friend Barack. 

28 comments:

  1. Hey SG – Is that the full list of retaliations that you discussed with B.H. Obama?
    Lucky for India that I’m not the president yet.
    After this diplomatic incident, India can forget about ever becoming a permanent member of the UN Security Council.

    Regards,
    Chris Christie
    The 45th president of the USA

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  2. Thanks for your comments Governor Christie. Why didn't I think of that!

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  3. Hilarious! I loved your point about permitting only 5 movies a year to release in the US! That will be a BIG blow to us, Indians! Nowadays the movies are made in Hinglish so that our people in the US can follow the dialogues clearly!

    Power cut and water shortage points are also very relevant!

    Now, will wait for other commenters' points!

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  4. Ha ha ha... You really have a sense of humor... Imagine only limited number Indian movies, maybe a reservation in it for the many Indian languages will be a huge debate. If you had told me this about 2 weeks back I might have personally discussed this with our dear friend Barack over tea at the White house :P

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  5. Why take so much trouble? Just block Gmail and Youtube to all Indians. Just flip the server switch off :P

    Destination Infinity

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  6. Thanks for your comments Sandhya. Yes,I agree stopping the movies will be a big blow. HaHaHa.

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  7. Thanks for your comments Reshma. I know you were in Washington DC 2 weeks ago. But I did not know your busy schedule would allow allocating time for Barack to meet with you.

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  8. Thanks for your comments Rajesh. Why didn't I think of that! Will send your idea to Barack.

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  9. LOL :D This is funny! I liked Rajesh's idea and just 5 Indian movies in US would create a world war III in Bollywood!

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  10. Thanks for your comments Shilpa. Governor Christie's and Rajesh's ideas are best. Restrict the number of Indian movies to be screened in USA. Hit them where it hurts.

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  11. DI's idea is good. This post is so humorous SG.

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  12. Thanks for your comments Ash. I am glad you liked this post. Rajesh's idea is really good.

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  13. Both the sides are equally bad, and India suddenly decides to go overboard. The maids from India too are equally greedy, and their madames are equally lazy and stupid.

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  14. Good attempt at humor:)


    No R-day or i-day parade since india does not celebrate july 4....

    but ensure rajni and SRK movies are released in US while you talk to him.IF not the huge Indian community will stage a dharna in front of whitehouse:)

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  15. Thanks for your comments Rama. I understand what you are saying. As I said at the beginning, this is not a serious post to discuss the issue. Just an attempted tongue in cheek humor.

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  16. Thanks for your comments Asha. I will keep your request in mind. But no promise. On the other hand, I like Rajesh's idea. Just cutoff Gmail and Youtube to all Indians.

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  17. India will always be a big market for US firms, whether they be construction/mining and pharma, or fast food and internet services.

    I am sure the Americans won't retaliate with any knee-jerk response. They will do something that takes care of this problem for the next many decades, at least.

    We on the other hand are very short sighted. It is sad that MEA does not have a division or department or something that looks into long term international affairs. All other major countries: US, China, France etc. have it.

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  18. Thanks for your comments Karunesh. I understand what you are saying. As I said at the beginning, this is not a serious post to discuss the issue. Just an attempted tongue in cheek humor

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  19. I just say,a genius can write such humor

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  20. Haha. Typical Indians. I know Barack yaar. He is my friend's friend. I only told him about the Briyani packet trick. That's so Indian and I'm really happy when I type this :-)

    If only USA played cricket, we could say we wouldnt play cricket with them. Lol :-)

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  21. And, Loved the post. It was Hilarious :-)

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  22. Thanks for your comments Mr. Chowla. And, thanks for your complements also.

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  23. Thanks for your comments Ashwini. And, thanks for your complements also. I am glad you liked this post.

    As you said, if USA plays cricket, that can be used as a retaliation and no match between the 2 countries.

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  24. Haha. So how did your meeting go? I liked the ideas here. Lol on biryani...We certainly know how to do things.. :)

    Looks like my comment didnt make it earlier. So reposting, Ignore if you are seeing this twice.

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  25. Thanks for your comments Dil. I am glad you liked this post. No we did not meet. Any important worldwide issue, we usually chat in Yahoo Messenger.

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  26. This is really a hilarious take though the incident was a bad one :)
    My two cents - Not allow any Indian American to marry an American. The marriage should be only arranged :P
    Coming to movies we have torrent so may be that shud be banned too to punish

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  27. Thanks for your comments Afshan. Will forward your ideas to my friend Barack the next time we chat.

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  28. Ha!Ha!.Retaliation in this way!Tit for tat!

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