Monday, June 16, 2014

World Cup 2014 – Ridiculous Demands

So now that the 2014 World Cup is in full swing in Brazil, let’s have a sneak peak at these prima donna soccer teams and some of their hotel requests.  The Brazilian tabloid newspaper Lance has apparently obtained an “interesting” list of requests, made by each country’s soccer team.  What have some of these countries requested?  Read below…
 
Chile request: Purchase new beds and flat screen TVs in every room.
Why? 
Because it’s not enough to watch them get their butts kicked LIVE and IN PERSON.  They would also like to watch it on the big screen and in high definition…while lying on a comfy bed.
 
Ecuador request: Basket of bananas from Ecuador in every room.
Why?  For Monkey Business of course. 
When I think of the country Ecuador, which is a country I think about several times a day (don’t we all?), the first thought that comes to my mind is Bananas!  Not the kind you eat of course.  That whole country is just…well…bananas!
 
France request:  Kosher meat as many of their players are Muslims.
Why?  Because they’re stupid! 
Kosher is for Jewish people.  I believe they should have asked for Halal.
Or maybe I’m the stupid one because surely France should have asked for some deodorant.
 
Japan request – A jacuzzi in every room.
Why?  Because they need to unwind in the hot tub after getting their butts kicked up and down the soccer field.  Look Japan shouldn’t even be in the World Cup. 
Me (SG), along with Who Posted This?, and 9 call center employees from Bangalore can whip this soccer team.
 
Switzerland request – High speed internet and Swiss TV channels.
Why?  For downloading of course!  They want to download some porn real quick off the web.  They also want to watch their stupid TV channels while eating Brazilian food.  Hey Swiss, remember that after eating Brazilian food you will be doing some “downloading” on the toilet.
 
Bosnia request – They want a sound proof screen to be installed so that the coaches can dine on one side and the players can dine in on the other side.
Why?  Because they all hate each other and can’t stand being around one another!
Let’s take a step back. 
What is a Bosnia?  Where is this Bosnia?  Can someone please point this place out on a map for me?  I’ve never heard of this place. 
They don’t have a soccer team.  These are just 11 refugees seeking asylum in Brazil.
 
Portugal – Total of 6 security staff, of which 4 of them to look after Christiano Ronaldo.
Why?  I don’t know.  If Ronaldo walked in front of me right now, I would give him directions to the nearest Taco Bell and tell him that he is late for work.
 
Does Ronaldo really need 4 security guards just for himself?
This overpriced and over-inflated ego machine that they call a soccer team is going to get buried by Germany in game 1.  When was the last time Portugal mattered?  When was the last time that they were relevant at anything?  Lucky for them that they can speak the local language in Brazil…which happens to be Portuguese.  So now they can clearly understand the chants of “YOU SUCK!” (Update: I am about to publish this post.  Just saw Germany trounce Portugal 4 NIL)
 
Many countries who made these requests are not contenders, they’re just pretenders. 
My advice to Brazil is to give them what they want because those pretenders will be long gone by the time the “real soccer action” starts to occur.
 
Lucky for Brazil, that India didn’t make it.
They would have a HUGE list of demands…er I mean requests…that Brazil would never be able to accommodate.  Starting with, 2 idlis and 2 buckets of sambar ready for each player at any time of the day or night.

25 comments:

  1. There is absolutely nothing wrong with these demands.

    Regards,
    American Tourists travelling abroad

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  2. Hmmm these outrageous demands still fall short of what bollywood stars demand SG. Your German win prediction was spot on. Btw I miss the octopus that predicted the match outcomes during the last world cup, it added a mystique touch to the world cup fever:)

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  3. Thanks for your comments American Tourists. Yes, compared to what you guys demand, these will seem normal. You guys are either this extreme or the other extreme. Either you will behave like a doormat and let every other nationalities to use and abuse you, OR you will make outrageous demands and measure everything in a foreign country with an American yardstick.

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  4. Thanks for your comments Reshma. Bollywood stars make outrageous demands? I didn't know that. I miss the octopus too.

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  5. Absolutely ,there is no problem with demands.
    I read somewhere,officially,thousonds of prostitutes hace gone there too....That is a real demand

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  6. Thanks for your comments Mr. Chowla. That is a good point. I have to do some research if any team has "demanded" this service.

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  7. that's quite a weird list of demands... but guess celebrities are allowed their own set of quirky wishlist.

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  8. Thanks for your comments Rajlakshmi. I agree with you.

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  9. 4 security guards for ronaldo alone!!! very expensive demands

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  10. Such absurd and weird demands!! Bosnia team's demand... I cant get over it!! Hilarious and ridiculous! :D

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  11. Can't Ronaldo take care of himself?! He runs fast, ducks and does so many things on field!

    Enjoyed the weird requests by players!

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  12. Thanks for your comments Asha. That Ronaldo stuff is ridiculous.

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  13. Thanks for your comments Shilpa. Bosnia's demand is something else.

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  14. Thanks for your comments Sandhya. Germany "really" took care of Ronaldo with a 4 NIL win.

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  15. woah!so many demands! most of them look ridiculous.

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  16. Sometimes, I get confused if your articles are real or spoof. Your spoofs are quite realistic! Maybe you can have a disclaimer at the end? :)

    Destination Infinity

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  17. Thanks for your comments Ash. Yes, most of them are ridiculous.

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  18. Thanks for your comments Rajesh. Whenever I write things like this, the actual news is very true. My comments and interpretations are my attempted tongue in the cheek humor.
    For Example, it is true Ecuador team requested a basket of banana from Ecuador in every room. My comments on that is my attempted humor. It is true Portugal requested 6 security staff and out of which 4 were for looking after Christiano Ronaldo. My comments on that is my attempted humor.

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  19. The demand for 4 security personal for Ronaldo is such a waste..Is there no demand from Spain?..If they do not have, its better for them..Today again Spain loosed to Chille 0-2..loved your post..

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  20. Thanks for your comments Ranita. Spain did not make any demands because they know they will be out of Brazil within a week of start of World Cup.

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  21. Couldn't control laughter when I read about the possible demands of Indian players if they were a part of FIFA... Ha haa :D Bucketful sambar!! Ha haa :D

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me

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  22. Thanks for your comments Sindhu. I am glad you liked this. While writing those words about Indians, I, myself, was laughing.

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  23. Loved reading about the absurd demands of the players.

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  24. Haha. Indians can never leave their craze for Idly Sambhar :-). Also, going by the matches and famous upsets, this is turning to be one of a kind tournament!

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  25. this was such a lol post :-D especially the demand of idli sambar :-D i guess when there is someone to tend to, the demands jst go on increasing!

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