Monday, June 6, 2016

Economy-minus

In the airline industry there was only one class to start with. It was a regular class. Then came two. Economy and Executive. Then came three. Economy, Business, First Class. Then they added one more. Premium Economy. Now they are thinking of adding one more class. Economy-minus. I do not know the facilities available in that class. But they are thinking on the following lines:
 
Smallest seats.
No Itinerary change or refunds.
No free carry-on bag.
Meals, snacks, soda, water, and entertainment are extra.
No advance seat assignment.
 
Since my job is to give unsolicited advice to the airlines, here are my suggestions:
 
To get into the plane, you have to climb a rope hung from the back door.
 
Pay for the use of toilets.
 
If you don’t want to use toilet, you can buy a diaper at a discount. No you cannot bring your own diaper from home. At the end of the flight you have to pay for disposal. Disposing solid waste will cost more than the liquid.
 
Rent a chair to sit in the plane. No you cannot bring your own chair.
 
If you want to sleep on the floor, that will be extra.
 
Discount if you are a standing passenger holding on to the upper rails.
 
Seat belts will cost extra. But it is mandatory.
 
Price will be based on the weight of the passenger.
 
Next, we are thinking of cargo class. Put the passengers in the cargo area.
 
You have to pay extra for us to rip your baggage handle.
 
Want to sit together with your family/friends, pay extra. (We have hired additional staff to look into family travel and group travel and made sure they are allotted seats in different rows.) (You see, we are creating job opportunities for useless undergraduates.)
 
And, lastly but not the leastly, pay extra to recline your seat back. The exact fee depends upon how much recline degree you want. Assuming a 5 degree reclining in an economy seat, you will have to pay $5 for each degree to a total of $25 for a full 5 degree reclining. Each plane will have a Reclining Engineer to measure the angle and charge the passenger. (You see, we are creating job opportunities for engineering undergraduates.)
 
If you have any ideas, please let me know and I will pass them along to the airline industry.

32 comments:

  1. Ridiculous! They are fleecing people. Your suggestions are all hilarious, however looking at the way they are charging every damn thing; these all might end up being implemented someday!

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    1. Thanks for your comments Insignia. Economy=minus class is certainly coming. But I do not know the facilities that come with that.

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  2. Looks like, traveling in bullock carts will be more comfortable than this economy-minus ;)

    Destination Infinity

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    1. Thanks for your comments Rajesh. Congratulations. I didn't expect you to be back in "blog business" so soon. Take some vacation and enjoy.

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  3. Let us treat this as the joke of the decade! Very good points, SG!

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    1. Thanks for your comments Sandhya. Economy=minus class is certainly coming. But I do not know the facilities that come with that.

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  4. That was a delightful read, and wonder what the airlines would think up next. Greetings!

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    1. Thanks for your comments Blogoratti. I am glad you enjoyed reading this post.

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  5. Earlier travelling by air was comfortable and fun, slowly slowly they are taking out comfort and fun both.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Renu. Yes, certainly. Air travel is not fun anymore.

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  6. Here after a long time. One hilarious read. :D

    But there'll be many MBAs who might read these ridiculously funny points as brilliantly helpful pointers.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Nandana. You have a good point. I can imagine a young MBA fresh out of Harvard giving this presentation to a Senior VP with United Airlines.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Vineeta. I am glad you liked this post.

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  8. Good one! Jokes apart, I won't be surprised if some of what you have mentioned become a reality: extra fare for window seat, or to use the toilet etc.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Pradeep. Economy-minus class is on the way.

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  9. Hahaha... I loved this one... Recently I travelled in Spice Jet in India and I experienced what economy minus could be... It was a terrible experience...

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    1. Thanks for your comments Satya. When in India, I always avoid Spice Jet.

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  10. So altogether the sumtotal outbeats the first class.Good idea.Economy should contain charge for finding the location of the seat as one has walk inside. Interesting post.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Sarala. That's a good idea. I sure will inform the airline industry.

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  11. I don't mind traveling but the worst is packing :) my husband does it for me . Lol

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    1. Thanks for your comments Shilpa. Looks like you have trained him well.

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  12. Loved your page . I am a decent human being and left my heart in San frans !! :) simple n cute .

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    1. Thanks Shilpa. I appreciate it.

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  13. Love your unsolicited advice to the Airlines. Remind me to never travel by plane after your suggestions are implemented. I would rather not travel than put up with all the hassle ;)

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    1. Thanks for your comments Rachna. And, welcome to my blog. I didn't mean to scare you.

      Rachna, please visit here as often as possible. Thanks.

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  14. Ha ha .... that was good read.
    All said and done this may be in the offing in the near future.
    Reminds me of the time when there was this III class in Indian Railways. People just used it to get from place A to place B and the conditions were similar to what you said.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Haddock. You gave me a good idea. They should name this as III Class. (This comes below cattle class.)

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  15. Economy-minus? God! travelling in economy itself is painful. Your post was very hilarious SG. :)

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    1. Thanks for your comments Ash. I am glad you liked this post.

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  16. Gosh! I dread the day when we would have such a class in the airlines!

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    1. Thanks for your comments Shilpa. I didn't mean to scare you.

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