Japanese Ingenuity

Beginning October 1, All Nippon Airways is asking passengers to use the toilet before boarding the plane and help cut carbon emissions. They claim empty bladders mean lighter passengers, a lighter aircraft, and therefore a lower fuel cost.

The airline staff will be present at the boarding gates and ask the passengers if they relieved themselves before boarding.

They estimate the weight saved will lead to a 5 tonne reduction in carbon emissions each month. A spokeswoman for the Airlines said: "If the flight is lighter, we use less gasoline which is good for the environment,”

This news has brought lot of comments from people all over the world. Here are some:

“Because you go once does not mean you won’t go twice especially if you are drinking beer in the airport bar.”

“Do you get extra bag of peanut if you go number one and number two before boarding?”

“Considering some of the raw food they eat, it may not be a bad idea.”

“I wonder if they have considered enemas, hair cuts, and bra-less ladies.”

“If everyone held their breath during the flight, they could reduce carbon emissions.”

“What's next, shaving passenger's heads before boarding? Making them run a couple laps around the airport (so weight will be reduced by a pound or two)”

“Why not issue diuretics at the check-in counter?”

“Have everyone arrive 2 hours early so that they can give you enema to lighten the load.”

“Will the airlines start charging extra if you want a human pilot on board next?”

“Why not fly naked? (Clothes weigh a lot)”

“Next they would ask us to cut our finger nails.”

“You really want the likes of Michael Moore naked on an airplane?”

“Why don't they just weigh the passengers and charge by the pound. Like freight.”

“How about a new type of status on the screen: GO TO TOILET.”

“Next they'll be asking you to prepare for a flight as though you were going to have a colonoscopy.”

“In related news, Air India has asked its passengers to go on a hunger strike prior to boarding.”

“Passengers could flap their arms while in flight to reduce weight.”

Are they going to install dialysis machines at the airport and employ nephrologists and nurses to help passengers with acute kidney failure? (This is not in quote because this is my own comment.)

“Do we get any points for vomiting before getting on the plane?”

“Could you get a reduction in the ticket price if you swore you drank or ate nothing the previous 24 hours?”

“Are they going to rename All Nippon Airways to Stop and Go Airways?”

“Airlines staff can ask the passengers the following:

Sir or Madam,
When was the last time you emptied your bladder? Do you think you could do so again before you board the plane? If you don't we'll have to impose a full bladder surcharge on your ticket. Yes, you have to show the container full of liquid to prove that you voided your bladder.”

Here is one I think is the best: “If they would just let us open the windows we could relieve in-flight”. (But there is a political problem here)

An Irish airline, Ryanair is considering charging passengers for using the toilet while flying. They are thinking of installing “coin slot on the toilet door”.

I just thought of an idea to increase revenue for the airlines. Install coin operated toilets in the plane. They should accept only coins. No paper currency. No credit cards. Then include coins in the banned items (like knife, blades, firearms, etc.) so that passengers will not carry any coin with them while boarding. Once inside the plane, stewardess will give change for paper currency. Passengers will get 3 quarters for each dollar. How about that? Any takers?

Frequent flyers can use their mileage to buy toilet tokens.

You have any comments? Be my guest.