Sunday, October 18, 2009

Japanese Ingenuity

Beginning October 1, All Nippon Airways is asking passengers to use the toilet before boarding the plane and help cut carbon emissions. They claim empty bladders mean lighter passengers, a lighter aircraft, and therefore a lower fuel cost.

The airline staff will be present at the boarding gates and ask the passengers if they relieved themselves before boarding.

They estimate the weight saved will lead to a 5 tonne reduction in carbon emissions each month. A spokeswoman for the Airlines said: "If the flight is lighter, we use less gasoline which is good for the environment,”

This news has brought lot of comments from people all over the world. Here are some:

“Because you go once does not mean you won’t go twice especially if you are drinking beer in the airport bar.”

“Do you get extra bag of peanut if you go number one and number two before boarding?”

“Considering some of the raw food they eat, it may not be a bad idea.”

“I wonder if they have considered enemas, hair cuts, and bra-less ladies.”

“If everyone held their breath during the flight, they could reduce carbon emissions.”

“What's next, shaving passenger's heads before boarding? Making them run a couple laps around the airport (so weight will be reduced by a pound or two)”

“Why not issue diuretics at the check-in counter?”

“Have everyone arrive 2 hours early so that they can give you enema to lighten the load.”

“Will the airlines start charging extra if you want a human pilot on board next?”

“Why not fly naked? (Clothes weigh a lot)”

“Next they would ask us to cut our finger nails.”

“You really want the likes of Michael Moore naked on an airplane?”

“Why don't they just weigh the passengers and charge by the pound. Like freight.”

“How about a new type of status on the screen: GO TO TOILET.”

“Next they'll be asking you to prepare for a flight as though you were going to have a colonoscopy.”

“In related news, Air India has asked its passengers to go on a hunger strike prior to boarding.”

“Passengers could flap their arms while in flight to reduce weight.”

Are they going to install dialysis machines at the airport and employ nephrologists and nurses to help passengers with acute kidney failure? (This is not in quote because this is my own comment.)

“Do we get any points for vomiting before getting on the plane?”

“Could you get a reduction in the ticket price if you swore you drank or ate nothing the previous 24 hours?”

“Are they going to rename All Nippon Airways to Stop and Go Airways?”

“Airlines staff can ask the passengers the following:

Sir or Madam,
When was the last time you emptied your bladder? Do you think you could do so again before you board the plane? If you don't we'll have to impose a full bladder surcharge on your ticket. Yes, you have to show the container full of liquid to prove that you voided your bladder.”


Here is one I think is the best: “If they would just let us open the windows we could relieve in-flight”. (But there is a political problem here)

An Irish airline, Ryanair is considering charging passengers for using the toilet while flying. They are thinking of installing “coin slot on the toilet door”.

I just thought of an idea to increase revenue for the airlines. Install coin operated toilets in the plane. They should accept only coins. No paper currency. No credit cards. Then include coins in the banned items (like knife, blades, firearms, etc.) so that passengers will not carry any coin with them while boarding. Once inside the plane, stewardess will give change for paper currency. Passengers will get 3 quarters for each dollar. How about that? Any takers?

Frequent flyers can use their mileage to buy toilet tokens.

You have any comments? Be my guest.

36 comments:

  1. and i thought ur marriage post was the most hilarious one.. this really cracked me up..
    esp. bra less ladies.. colonoscopy.. extra bag of peanuts for no.2.. flap their arms.. air india strike..
    wow.. we just gotta find the guys responsible for giving such revolutionary ideas..

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  2. ODG!
    this is outrageously hilarious!

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  3. I just spilled my cup of tea ....hilarious!!i would love to read your post on marriage.

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  4. Thanks for your comments Vishnu. I am glad you enjoyed reading this post.

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  5. Thanks for your comments P. Even though I wrote this, when I read it I could not help laughing.

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  6. Thanks for your comments Kavita. I am glad you enjoyed reading this. I hope the tea did not spoil your clothes. The "marriage" post came in 2 parts on Sep 13 and Sep 16. Part 2 is funnier than Part 1.

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  7. What has the world come to?? !! :) hilarious :)

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  8. Hahaha, hilarious!!!

    And a related news is that Air India has decided to terminate all over-weight elderly air hostesses and recruit only petite women - less weight; less fuel :-P

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  9. Hillarious :)....“Why don't they just weigh the passengers and charge by the pound. Like freight..its best and if incorporated will help in reducing obesity and bring good health:)

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  10. Thanks for your comments Renu. May be this will bring health consiousness among people.

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  11. Thanks for your comments Insignia. Finally, Air India is going in the right direction. I wish you are that new Airhostess they are trying to recruit. If you say OK, I will call Arvind Jadhav.

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  12. Thanks for your comments Shruti. When I first read this news, I had the same thought as yours.

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  13. Hahahaa....Oops fortunately NO :-) I am happy where I am :-)

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  14. ROFL! HILARIOUS! Good job!
    But I still feel that we should encourage Nippon airways if their claim of reducing the carbon-emission is true, shouldn't we? For mother Earth and for our future generations.....
    Keep posting:)

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  15. This is really hilarious!! How can they even come with this proposal..lol!! Tomorrow they may ask to come naked...wonder what all stuff they come with up!!

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  16. Thanks for your comments Insignia. No probs.

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  17. Thanks for your comments Varsha. Their goal is laudable. But it is not cost effective.

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  18. Thanks for your comments Nazish. Already no food, no pillow, and no blankets. And now, this.

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  19. Cost Cutting yes i hav heard....but ithu yenna puthusa!! samingala!.. lol lol..this was the best!
    Here is one I think is the best: “If they would just let us open the windows we could relieve in-flight”. (But there is a political problem here)

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  20. Thanks for your comments HaRy. The one you have mentioned is my personal best too.

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  21. I am coughing with laughter...my husband is behind me reading and laughing loudly!

    I am laughing this much after a long time...what innovative ideas...Thank you SG!

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  22. An idea from my husband...connect the urinal to the fuel tank...bio-fuel!

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  23. Thanks Sandhya and her husband. I am glad you both enjoyed this post.

    Sandhya, brilliant suggestion by your husband. I am going to nominate him for Nobel Prize in Chemistry. Better than that, I will nominate him for Nobel Peace Prize. If bio-fuel is avaialble cheaply, there will be world peace and economic prosperity.

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  24. the post is indeed hilarious, but the proposal is not...are they (Nippon Airways) outta their mind?

    U know, while reading this post, I was thinking of the comments I would have made for such a ridiculous idea, bu you found them all I could think of...lol @ public reaction and comments..

    btw, next is what? before demonstrating how to fasten seat belts, they will demonstrate how to empty the bladder for those who are way too drunk to get these instructions? uh, jus a vague thought...

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  25. lolz hilarious.. seriously kudos to you for having found this bit of news. hahahha..
    the motive behind this idea is novel but how far would it be a success..

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  26. Thanks for your comments Neha. I was waiting for those comments. I am glad you enjoyed reading this post. Demonstrate how to empty the bladder? That is very funny.

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  27. Thanks for your comments Shruthi. I do not think this idea would be a successful one because it is not cost effective.

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  28. Thank you, SG! Obama needed Bush to get the the Nobel Peace Prize. If he had not become President after Bush, he would not have got the prize. But my husband might get it without anybody's help! Thank you!

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  29. Thanks for your comments Sandhya. Good luck to your husband.

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  30. Didnt know abt this piece of news.. the comments are hillarious... N it really makes me wonder what New charges the airlines are going to impose.

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  31. Thanks for your comments Rajlakshmi. I am glad you enjoyed this post.

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  32. You can ask me any question you want before I board an airplane.
    But if a man’s gotta go…then a man’s gotta go.
    I’ll unload anywhere, including an airport runway.

    Regards,
    Billy Carter
    (risen from the grave just to comment on your blog)

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  33. Thanks for your comments Billy. Boy long time no news about you. Even though you were the (in)famous brother of President Jimmy Carter, you established yourself a name in the American society. And, you entertained all of us very well.

    How can we forget the time you urinated in the tarmac of Tripoli, Libya, Airport in 1979 in full view of the people and the world press.

    Even after 10,000 years, your warning to Americans will still be the talk of the town. You warned them:”Beer is not a good cocktail party drink, especially in a home where you don’t know where the bathroom is.”

    We miss you Billy. May you rest in peace.

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  34. LOL!!!
    Each and every one of those comments is so hilarious.

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  35. Thanks for your comments Jayashree.

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  36. Thank you :) look at this emo boy style over this blog:
    http://www.emo--boys.info

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