Sunday, January 17, 2010

Commandamendments

There is a news item that Rev. Tim Jones of England told his congregation that it is sometimes acceptable for desperate people to shoplift – as long as they do it at large national chain stores, rather than small family businesses. There goes the Eighth Commandment: Neither shalt thou steal.

If there is an exception to one commandment, there should be exception to other commandments also. Rev. SG termed them as “command amendments”. Therefore, here is Rev. SG’s sermon to his blogging congregation.

The Fifth Commandment – Honor thy father and thy mother

Rev. SG says: You have to honor your parents even if you put them in a Senior Citizens Home. Make sure to send this note on Mother’s Day.

“I love you mom. I will always love you. I wish there was a way I could repay all the things you have done for me. Therefore, I have already tipped the messenger who is bringing you this Mother’s Day card and flowers. You do not have to tip him”.

Rev. SG also says: There are no commandments that teach us how to treat our brothers and sisters. If some one wants to know, I would refer them to the Sixth Commandment.

The Sixth Commandment – Thou shalt not kill

Rev SG says: You should not kill anyone, even in war. But I will allow an exception to this commandment. If there is a riot initiated by a political party, it is alright to kill innocent ordinary people. The best would be to lock a bus with full of people and set it on fire.

I have a question. Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?

The Seventh Commandment – Neither shalt thou commit adultery

Rev SG says: Do not commit adultery. If you commit adultery, do not get caught. Do not go after it. But if it comes in your way do not leave it. But pretend as if you are resisting. Remember Bill Clinton. He is an excellent example of how not to do it. The bottom line is “thou shalt not admit adultery”.

I have to tell a story here. In a village a priest was annoyed that so many people committed adultery. He hated the word “adultery”. He told the people to use the word “fallen” when they commit adultery and come to church for confession. This practice was going on for some years. Then a new priest came. He did not know this code word. He heard so many people fell. So he told the mayor of the village to repair the roads so that people may not fall. The mayor just laughed realizing no one told the new priest regarding this code word. The priest got angry and he asked the mayor: How come you can laugh at this time? Even your wife fell three times last week.

The Eighth Commandment – Neither shalt thou steal

Rev SG says: I fully support Rev. Tim Jones’ view on this amendment. I would also go one step further. If you think you are just taking it from another person it will not be considered as stealing.

If you steal ideas from one person it is called plagiarism. If you steal ideas from many people it is called research. Therefore, if you steal from many people it is not considered as breaking the Eighth Commandment.

The Ninth Commandment - Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbor

Rev SG says: This is a fancy phrase for simply saying “Don’t Lie”. But you can camouflage it by other words. If you classify a lie as an excuse, it is not a lie. It is very easy to lie. Most lies go undetected. But keep it short. “Sorry” “Traffic jam” “I do not remember”.

If you are lying do not provide more details than necessary to answer the question. If you provide detailed explanation and even if it is true, the listener will think you are lying.

In addition, if you lie to your children it will not be considered as breaking the Ninth Commandment. Same goes to lying to your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. To your boss? Ok Ok by the powers vested in me by the State of California, I pronounce it is not a lie.

29 comments:

  1. Brilliant post Rev. SG :-) I bow before thee! I see I'm the first among the congregation to be sparing my thoughts on this. I like 9th Command-amendment the most!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bwahahahaha!!

    Hey that was some pretty hilarious stuff there REVEREND SG!

    I like the sixth amended commandment - from thou shall not commit adultery to thou shall not "admit" adultery.
    That's classic for the times that we live in.

    I also want to correlate what you said in the 8th commandment and apply it to the 6th commandment as well.

    You wrote - If you steal ideas from one person it is called plagiarism. If you steal ideas from many people it is called research.
    The same is true for the 6th commandment. If you kill 1 person then you are a murderer. If you kill 1 million then you are a conqueror.

    Go figure!

    ReplyDelete
  3. /Even your wife fell three times last week// hahaha lolzzzz :D
    those were really awesome :D
    made an enjoyable read :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Rev SG....I so loved your sermon.I too loved that priest's story,leaving the comment box with a smile.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rev. SG!!

    Wow!!I can't resist lmao at this one..!!

    Brilliant commandamendments!!

    Even ur wife fell 3 times last week!!
    haha!!

    Wud be returning 4 more!!:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Good ones...That was one creative stuff... Rev SG :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. hahahahah...nice nice..enjoyed reading your amendments..

    you should have been a lawyer :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. his wife adultery!! ha ha ha gud story and ena oru committment..chi commadamendment :) ...cya around mate!

    ReplyDelete
  9. A fan on Peerless BluffJanuary 18, 2010 at 12:51 PM

    One of the best blog posts I have ever read -- very nice work SG!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for your comments lostworld. I am glad you liked this.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks for your comments The Cagey Bee. I like your "If you kill 1 million then you are a conqueror". Excellent point.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for your comments Rajlakshmi. I am glad you enjoyed reading this post.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for your comments Kavita. And, welcome back. I am glad you liked this.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks for your comments Jaunty anima. I am glad you liked these commandamendments.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks for your comments Insigniacharya. Creative stuff? You think so? This Ekalaiva thanks for your tutelage.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks for your comments Neha. I should have been a lawyer? I don't think so. I don't go near any hard work.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for your comments HaRy. Enna commitment Enna commitment. Illa. Enna commandamendment Enna commandamendment.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for your comments Peerless Bluff fan. And, welcome to my blog. Thanks for your complements.

    Please visit here as often as you can. You will love reading my posts because I am a fearless bluff.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I liked the 8 th Commandement. which is very common among writers... oops.., bloggers these days. What research many do these days. Liked "fell" too.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks for your comments Chitra. What you said about bloggers is 100% true. Some of the posts I read...I can remember the exact words I have read in "Wikipedia" is reproduced.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Brilliant idea !..loved the code word.falling:)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thanks for your comments Antarman. I am glad you liked this post.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hail Rev SG! What a wonderful amendment indeed!
    So the mayor’ wife fell 3 times last week and it is good to commit adultery. Lolz…Loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. LOL...loved REv SG's amendments :D makes a lot of sense, lol

    ReplyDelete
  25. Very well written. Nice and interesting post. I enjoyed very much reading all your amendments.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thanks for your comments numerounity. I am glad you liked this post.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thanks for your comments Titaxy. I am glad you liked these commandamendments.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thanks for your comments Babli. I am glad you enjoyed reading these commandamendments.

    ReplyDelete
  29. last three commandments were really good.. i liked the humor genre being portrayed here..

    u confuse me too much.. first u inspired me to do research.. nw u say its an advanced form of plagiarism..

    ReplyDelete