Commandamendments

There is a news item that Rev. Tim Jones of England told his congregation that it is sometimes acceptable for desperate people to shoplift – as long as they do it at large national chain stores, rather than small family businesses. There goes the Eighth Commandment: Neither shalt thou steal.

If there is an exception to one commandment, there should be exception to other commandments also. Rev. SG termed them as “command amendments”. Therefore, here is Rev. SG’s sermon to his blogging congregation.

The Fifth Commandment – Honor thy father and thy mother

Rev. SG says: You have to honor your parents even if you put them in a Senior Citizens Home. Make sure to send this note on Mother’s Day.

“I love you mom. I will always love you. I wish there was a way I could repay all the things you have done for me. Therefore, I have already tipped the messenger who is bringing you this Mother’s Day card and flowers. You do not have to tip him”.

Rev. SG also says: There are no commandments that teach us how to treat our brothers and sisters. If some one wants to know, I would refer them to the Sixth Commandment.

The Sixth Commandment – Thou shalt not kill

Rev SG says: You should not kill anyone, even in war. But I will allow an exception to this commandment. If there is a riot initiated by a political party, it is alright to kill innocent ordinary people. The best would be to lock a bus with full of people and set it on fire.

I have a question. Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?

The Seventh Commandment – Neither shalt thou commit adultery

Rev SG says: Do not commit adultery. If you commit adultery, do not get caught. Do not go after it. But if it comes in your way do not leave it. But pretend as if you are resisting. Remember Bill Clinton. He is an excellent example of how not to do it. The bottom line is “thou shalt not admit adultery”.

I have to tell a story here. In a village a priest was annoyed that so many people committed adultery. He hated the word “adultery”. He told the people to use the word “fallen” when they commit adultery and come to church for confession. This practice was going on for some years. Then a new priest came. He did not know this code word. He heard so many people fell. So he told the mayor of the village to repair the roads so that people may not fall. The mayor just laughed realizing no one told the new priest regarding this code word. The priest got angry and he asked the mayor: How come you can laugh at this time? Even your wife fell three times last week.

The Eighth Commandment – Neither shalt thou steal

Rev SG says: I fully support Rev. Tim Jones’ view on this amendment. I would also go one step further. If you think you are just taking it from another person it will not be considered as stealing.

If you steal ideas from one person it is called plagiarism. If you steal ideas from many people it is called research. Therefore, if you steal from many people it is not considered as breaking the Eighth Commandment.

The Ninth Commandment - Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbor

Rev SG says: This is a fancy phrase for simply saying “Don’t Lie”. But you can camouflage it by other words. If you classify a lie as an excuse, it is not a lie. It is very easy to lie. Most lies go undetected. But keep it short. “Sorry” “Traffic jam” “I do not remember”.

If you are lying do not provide more details than necessary to answer the question. If you provide detailed explanation and even if it is true, the listener will think you are lying.

In addition, if you lie to your children it will not be considered as breaking the Ninth Commandment. Same goes to lying to your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. To your boss? Ok Ok by the powers vested in me by the State of California, I pronounce it is not a lie.