Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Don't Visit

Recently I read an article about a guy who was struggling in his mind how to tell a friend not to visit him. He could not come up with a believable excuse.

Since my full time job is to assist people in distress, here are some of the excuses I could think of on his behalf.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of April? I am sorry we have already made reservations and bought plane tickets to visit Peru that week”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of May? I have to go out of town for a wedding that week. I am the Best Man for the groom. I cannot avoid it”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of June? I am scheduled for a surgery for my back problem during that week”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of July? I have a major relicensing/certification exam that week. I must spend all my free time studying for it”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of August? Due to my emotional problems and chemical dependencies, I don’t think I can be a good host”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of September? We are having some serious issues in the town and thus all the new comers to the city are being investigated. So please postpone your trip. I am telling you this secret as I don’t want you to face any problem”.

“Oh you are coming during the third week of October? I'd love to have you over. I need an alibi anyway. You can vouch for me right?”

“Oh you are coming during the third week of November? We are having a huge fund raising event that week for world peace. I hope you will be able to contribute generously and also volunteer to work”.

You can go more bizarre with the excuses. If someone wants to visit you in San Francisco, then you can say:

“Oh you are coming during the third week of December? Actually, there is nothing to see in San Francisco. The Golden Gate Bridge has been moved to Nevada for security reasons. The Bay Bridge, which was broken during the 1989 earthquake, is still not repaired. Because of the bad weather, this year’s harvest of grapes is destroyed. Therefore, Napa Valley is closed. The Cable Car employees are on strike. They have actually transferred prisoners from Guantanamo Bay to the Alcatraz Prison. Therefore, tourists are not allowed there. On top of it, severe snow is expected that week”.

If you know of any other excuses, believable like the above, please let me know.

29 comments:

  1. Oh you are coming in any of the forthcoming weeks? actually; I don't like you at all..if I see your face; my whole year is spoilt..why don't you postpone your visit for say, forever?

    there will not be any need of finding any other excuses then :)

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  2. You are an expert SG and seem to have lot up your sleeve. I don't have anything to add to the list. I liked the last one "contribute generously.
    Which one do you use frequently?;)

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  3. nice post. thanks.

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  4. :-) Don't start giving me excuses for not visiting my blog (if you stop visiting someday i.e.)!!!

    I'm quite lame & have a few standard excuses which I keep repeating so often I'm bored of them myself. Will consult the chief(read SG) henceforth!!!

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  5. LOL at all the excuses. I esp like the alibi one.

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  6. Tell him aboutthat one common classmate whom he abhorred is also coming over the same week

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  7. LOL nice excuses...might come in handy when I have to use one :P

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  8. Thanks for your comments Neha. That is a very nice diplomatic way of telling without hurting the person.

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  9. Thanks for your comments Chitra. When money is asked, many people will run away.

    I don't use any of them. But I am thinking of using "Golden Gate Bridge has been moved to Nevada for security reasons".

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  10. Thanks for your comments Anonymous. Please use your name next time so that we can get to know each other.

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  11. Thanks for your comments lostworld. I always help my friends.

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  12. Thanks for your comments Jayashree. I like the "alibi" excuse also.

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  13. Thanks for your comments The Holy Lama. Your excuse is a good one.

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  14. Thanks for your comments Titaxy. I am glad you liked them.

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  15. hahahha ... lolzzz hillarious excuses... may be i could use some... coz i am really bad at excuses:D

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  16. Thanks for your comments Rajlakshmi. I am glad you liked these excuses.

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  17. Oh I am very bad at giving excuses....as i dnt knw how to lie... but yes if that person , i think should be avoidable then i will straight away say...i will give u a call when i m free....many things are lined up right now to be done....thats it....

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  18. I dont like you.. Thank you.. Please make alternative arrangements...


    I am immigrating to the country you are coming from, I will need 3- 4 months to stay with you till i find a place of my own.. So Change your plan...

    :)

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  19. What a great resource!

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  20. Great!! What a way to avoid folks. I shall definitely use some of them :-)

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  21. Thanks for your comments Rohini. And, welcome to my blog. Your proposed excuses are polite and diplomatic.

    Rohini, please visit here as often as you can. Thanks.

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  22. Thanks for your comments Bikram. And, welcome to my blog. Your proposed excuses is hilarious. I should use it sometime.

    Bikram, please visit here as often as you can. Thanks.

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  23. Thanks for your comments Anonymous. Please use your name next time so that we can get to know each other.

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  24. Thanks for your comments Insignia. I think you should use some of them. Please let me know the reaction of your intended guest.

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  25. If you can make excuses like the ones you have listed and actually use them, then I think you could perhaps tell them outright, please ( if you wish to be polite!) don't come!

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  26. Thanks for your comments Radha. You are correct. It is better to tell them outright.

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  27. I am going to watch...atithi tum kab jaoge..for some more excuses..nit that in India we can give any.as ..atithi devo bhav:)

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  28. hahaha...next time when i am in need of some bahanaaz..i will surely refer this post. Too many choices :D

    p.s: i just hope that, my 'guest-in-question' is not regular reader of your blog :)

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  29. Interesting list of reasons...will try to use some of these next time I am in trouble!! :D

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