Diplomatic Mumbo Jumbo

Diplomatic Mumbo Jumbo.

 

Following is the dictionary definition of Mumbo Jumbo:
 

n. noun

 

1. Unintelligible or incomprehensible language; gibberish.

2. Language or ritualistic activity intended to confuse.

3. A complicated or obscure ritual.

 

I am not going into the case of Ms. Devyani Khobragade. All I want to point out here how the diplomats in all the countries say things that we (at least I) cannot understand what they are saying. Here are a few samples:

 

State Department Spokesperson Marie Harf said (on the Devyani case):

 

While “standard procedures and official law enforcement channels” would drive it forward, the U.S. would “continue to work this issue with India in the spirit of partnership and cooperation that marks our broad bilateral relationship.”

 

Marie, tell me in clear and simple English. I am not a Rhodes Scholar.

 

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper on Sri Lanka:

 

“Canada will continue to monitor events in Sri Lanka and urge the government to implement fully the recommendations of the Lessons Learnt and Reconciliation Commission, promote respect for human rights and the rule of law, and undertake an independent investigation into alleged violations of the human rights of thousands of civilians at the end of the conflict."

 

Hey Stephen, this one sentence has 57 words, 2 words more than Fiction 55. I am lost.

 

Following is part of a statement after the Chinese President and Japanese Prime Minister met:

 

“Both sides reiterate that the China-Japan Joint Statement issued on Sept. 29, 1972, the China-Japan Treaty of Peace and Friendship signed on Aug. 12, 1978, and the China-Japan Joint Declaration released on Nov. 26, 1998 constitute the political basis for the stable development of Sino-Japanese relations and the opening up of a bright future.”

Hello China and Japan, this is 2013. I would like to receive copies of your joint statements of 1972, 1978, and 1998. Please don’t send me English translations. I need them either in Chinese or in Japanese, so I can better understand them.

 

Now coming to India. Has anyone ever noticed joint statements at any level between India and Pakistan? Either an Indian making a statement or a Pakistani making a statement or a joint statement, following is the only sentence used since 1948 without changing any word. If you have not noticed before, please notice from now when anyone making a statement. Looks like both governments of India and Pakistan agreed to this one sentence to fool people from both countries.

 

“resolve all outstanding issues including Kashmir issue”.

 

I have a question. What are the “other outstanding” issues? Do you have any other issue other than the Kashmir issue? Every problem stems from Kashmir. That is the only issue.