Saturday, December 21, 2013

Diplomatic Mumbo Jumbo

Diplomatic Mumbo Jumbo.
 
Following is the dictionary definition of Mumbo Jumbo:
 
n. noun
 
1. Unintelligible or incomprehensible language; gibberish.
2. Language or ritualistic activity intended to confuse.
3. A complicated or obscure ritual.
 
I am not going into the case of Ms. Devyani Khobragade. All I want to point out here how the diplomats in all the countries say things that we (at least I) cannot understand what they are saying. Here are a few samples:
 
State Department Spokesperson Marie Harf said (on the Devyani case):
 
While “standard procedures and official law enforcement channels” would drive it forward, the U.S. would “continue to work this issue with India in the spirit of partnership and cooperation that marks our broad bilateral relationship.”
 
Marie, tell me in clear and simple English. I am not a Rhodes Scholar.
 
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper on Sri Lanka:
 
“Canada will continue to monitor events in Sri Lanka and urge the government to implement fully the recommendations of the Lessons Learnt and Reconciliation Commission, promote respect for human rights and the rule of law, and undertake an independent investigation into alleged violations of the human rights of thousands of civilians at the end of the conflict."
 
Hey Stephen, this one sentence has 57 words, 2 words more than Fiction 55. I am lost.
 
Following is part of a statement after the Chinese President and Japanese Prime Minister met:
 
“Both sides reiterate that the China-Japan Joint Statement issued on Sept. 29, 1972, the China-Japan Treaty of Peace and Friendship signed on Aug. 12, 1978, and the China-Japan Joint Declaration released on Nov. 26, 1998 constitute the political basis for the stable development of Sino-Japanese relations and the opening up of a bright future.”

Hello China and Japan, this is 2013. I would like to receive copies of your joint statements of 1972, 1978, and 1998. Please don’t send me English translations. I need them either in Chinese or in Japanese, so I can better understand them.
 
Now coming to India. Has anyone ever noticed joint statements at any level between India and Pakistan? Either an Indian making a statement or a Pakistani making a statement or a joint statement, following is the only sentence used since 1948 without changing any word. If you have not noticed before, please notice from now when anyone making a statement. Looks like both governments of India and Pakistan agreed to this one sentence to fool people from both countries.
 
“resolve all outstanding issues including Kashmir issue”.
 
I have a question. What are the “other outstanding” issues? Do you have any other issue other than the Kashmir issue? Every problem stems from Kashmir. That is the only issue.

26 comments:

  1. From what someone told me, the statements are so cryptic because of 2 mutually contradicting reasons:
    1. To make sure that nothing is left to chance. No double meaning stuff etc.
    2. To make sure that if need arises, you can say that there were 2 meanings to what you said. It is called a difference of interpretation.

    There are many issues between India and Pak, but the Kashmir issue is the biggest. It is the only war-worthy reason. But there are other things too... like the Indus Waters Treaty from 1960, condition of Hindus and Sikhs in Pak, cultural exchanges (not the least because many people have cross border matrimonial relations), small area disputes like in Kutch, Gujrat, trade, trade, trade and trade.

    I tried to write the last paragraph in a simple manner, but these foreign policy things are indeed cryptic :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha! too good, nice compilations..this mumbo-jumbo is what that keeps politicians in business, they earn their bread & butter from it!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Politics is a difficult job precisely because they are expected to come up with different versions of the same nothingness. Repeatedly :P

    Destination Infinity

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for your comments Karunesh. I agree with you. They are very cryptic.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for your comments Ankita. I agree it keeps them in business but majority of the people do not understand.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for your comments Rajesh. Same nothingness! That's a good one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sometimes I think they are, the politicians are, dumb...but later I think they are too smart to create illusions that they are doing 'something good' for the people!

    Your points are very good, SG!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for your comments Sandhya. They want to confuse the hell out of us, just to show us they are doing something good for us. I agree.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Diplomacy is all about issues which get international attention but, are relevant to the stronger nation.Hence,weaker nation ...like us.....speak the language of diplomacy which pleases our NATURAL ALLY....whatever that means

    ReplyDelete
  10. OMG! What was that! The China-Japan one is bestest! They must be spending a lot of time in preparing their such incoherent speeches!

    ReplyDelete
  11. True,SG. Kilometres long sentences they use are just to be confused and interpreted in according to the whims of the reader.A good read.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for your comments Mr. Chowla. As you said, it is relevant to the stronger nation.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for your comments Shilpa. They do these things purposely. I have read that India had a Foreign Minister, Mr. Swaran Singh. He was the best in confusing the heck out of everybody at the United Nations.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks for your comments Sarala. Kilometers long sentences. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Difficult for a lay man to understand what they mean and and I think trying to interpret is a sheer waste of time :)You are a keen observer and a good analyst.:)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think the first training test for diplomats is how soon and how many people can you confuse with your answers to any question under the sky. It is the same world over and across all times. It sure is a tough job to mouth these dialogues with a straight face and neutral tone.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Haha :) I guess the idea is to convey nothing to the public yet talk as if they are conveying something important :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for your comments Chitra. And, thanks for the complements.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thanks for your comments Reshma. Yes, they are well trained in how to confuse people.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks for your comments Ash. Convey nothing but pretend you are conveying something.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Excellent! The list of mumbo-jumbo got me laughing because we are bombarded with these type of comments day in and day out. One just doesn't know what to make of it to cut through the clutter and get to the point!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey, you wrote Portuguese in my blog, that's nice!

    >you can say that there were 2 meanings to what you said. It is called a difference of interpretation.< Sometimes it make a lot of confusion, because some people think different and they can't understand what we wanna say... but it's ok :b

    Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thanks for your comments Sanand. I am glad you liked this post.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thats diplomacy for you :) !!! The whole thing is to get people to think you mean something profound by writing un intelligble things! Advance wishes for a very happy new year.

    ReplyDelete
  25. haha This sure made me laugh
    I didnt even try reading that mumbo jumbo. Read ur comments and smiled !

    Its an art to speak in such a way that confuses you rather than clearing your mind

    ReplyDelete