Sunday, September 29, 2013

Parental Pressure

This weekend, we were invited to watch a practice session of a Water Polo team.  The players were kids, 5 to 10 year olds.  Since they were so young, it was co-ed, both boys and girls.  About 50 kids and about 150 spectators – parents, siblings, relatives, friends.
 
One girl was crying loud.  She was about 9 years old.   She was not just weeping silently.  She did not want to go in the pool and practice.  For some reason, she hated water polo.  Her mom and dad were persuading her to go into the pool.  Her only answer? Cry Cry Cry.
 
The mom lost patience.  She ordered the child to go in the pool and be in the water at a corner of the pool until the practice was over.  The girl entered the pool and hung in the water in a corner.  And, continued to cry.  When the practice was over, she got out of the pool and the family went home.  I am told this happened every week.
 
God knows how many verbal abuse and/or physical beatings that girl may be facing at home.  Now I realize why some young girls run away from home.
 
I do know that when parents admit their kids in an extra curricular activity, some kids will resist.  After 2 or 3 sessions, they will become fond of those activities.  But what should the parent do if the kid refuses to participate and start to cry every week?  Personally, I will not go to such extreme and pressure my kid.
 
It is ok for parents to push their kids a little to participate in some activity.  It is parents’ responsibility also.  Excessive pressure is not acceptable.  Some parents feel the achievement of their kids as their own achievement.
 
I thought only Indians pressure their kids.  Looks like it is all over the world.
 
What do you think?

28 comments:

  1. It is sad to see this happening. Funny part is, my parents here in India are very good with respect to almost everything.

    I guess the reason for this happening is that parents feel like it is their responsibility to do whatever is right for their kids. Part of this includes making choices for the kids. What most parents seem to forget, uniformly across countries and cultures, is that it is also their responsibility to let their kids explore the world on their own. Whether it be choosing something to do, or choosing about doing something at all.

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  2. I have never pressurised my kids to do anything they were not interested in. Both of them went to karate class, guitar class and cricket coaching classes. They never excelled in anything! But when they wanted to stop going to classes, we asked them to learn something they liked, but they didn't do. They were book worms and enjoyed leisurely games. Hmmm...don't know even now if we were right!

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  3. While parents have to push their kids a bit to try something new or different. Usually, as you rightly
    said, kids do pick up a activity after some initial resistance, but as parents we need to know when to let go too!

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  4. It's a difficult question to answer - Parents need to push their kids somewhat if they want to see any achievement out of their kids. But if the kid is not interested, no amount of pressure will make him/her good in the activity.

    Destination Infinity

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  5. Thanks for your comments KK. And, welcome to my blog. I am glad you have understanding parents.

    KK, Please visit this blog as often as you can. Thanks.

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  6. Thanks for your comments Sandhya. You did the right thing with your kids.

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  7. Thanks for your comments Shilpa. I agree with you. Parents should push the kids a bit for not too far.

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  8. Thanks for your comments Rajesh. Agree with you 100%.

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  9. A little bit of encouragement is all that required of parents, but if a child is unhappy and crying then its illogical pressure.

    I wanted my daughter to learn dancing when she was three, but she didnt like it, so I left , but today she dances so well and has earned accolades too but all on her own.she started liking it while growing up..

    I totally dislike the parents who wear their children as medals..

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  10. In my case, my daughter was initially reluctant to learn carnatic music, she had to be pushed initially but now even if i tell her to miss her classes, she refuses to miss.

    I think till 10, the children are clueless about what they want and are generally playful,so a little push is necessary. But beyond that age, i don't think one has to push the child, may be encourage but definitely not push like that parent you have mentioned.

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  11. Thanks for your comments Renu. As you said, a little bit encouragement is enough.

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  12. Thanks for your comments Asha. Encouragement is fine but not undue pushing.

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  13. I say push them to their limits.
    Push your kids and do it often.
    Life is cruel and you must push them everyday...well beyond their limitations. The more pressure the better.
    That's what I did with my daughters!

    Regards,
    Richard Williams

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  14. Thanks for your comments Krishna. I am glad you liked this post.

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  15. Thanks for your comments Richard. I know, by pushing hard, you have raised 2 world champions in tennis, Venus and Serena. But you forgot to teach them good manners.

    By the way, how is your new bride?
    She is only one year older than Venus and she is her step-mother?

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  16. yes its same all over
    in such case parents need to enter in a pool with kid so she will feel safe and once fear is gone everything is gone

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  17. There was an article yesterday about how grades in schools are pressuring kids. Sad and competition everywhere.

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  18. Thanks for your comments sm. This girl was not afraid of swimming. She did not want to play water polo.

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  19. Thanks for your comments Insignia. You are correct. Too much pressure on the kids.

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  20. Encouraging a kid to try something new is fine, but forcing it to do it even if he/she doesn't like it is bad. I saw one of my cousins being forced to learn tabla even though he wanted to learn drums. What I did not understand is why can't the parents let him learn drums if he likes it so much?! My parents never forced me to learn anything that I was not interested in.

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  21. Thanks for your comments Avada Kedavara. It is sad some parents try to live their lives through their kids.

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  22. I know a lady too who has made life hell for her daughter. She is so ambitious about her and the daughter hardly gets time to sleep for she is forever attending this class or that..such parents need a shrink!

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  23. Thanks for your comments Ankita. You are right. These parents need to see a shrink.

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  24. Parents want to relive their lives through their children. Many of us have wanted to do somethings but couldn't when we were young. But we forget that our children may not want to do them too. So we pressure them to like what we approve!! Besides, today's world seems to be one where a parental identity is reinforced by a child's achievements. That is another reason for pushing children like this!! We Indians do it overtly but I guess in other cultures it is better camouflaged!

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  25. Thanks for your comments Meera. This practice is all over the world. Sad.

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  26. True.What the parents could not achieve,they get it done through the progeny.Poor tender minds!

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  27. Thanks for your comments Sarala. Agree with you 100%.

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